I scrolled down my Instagram feed tonight. All the way down before kids to when we first got our condo and when I was still blogging regularly. The feelings I felt were a mix of annoyance (when and why did I have all this time); awe (I had all this time); and jealousy (what is time anyways).
I did not realize that I could envy a past version of myself but here I am at 30, realizing I am old enough to do just that.
This April 27 will mark 8 years of marriage with Russell. Plus two years of dating and one year of friendship. When we first met on August 2009, Russ had a shaved head, which he buzzed himself to save money, and a big beard. Part of me knew I was going to marry him that night I shook his hand after introducing myself. I only tell a few people this because it's one of those things that you either believe or you don't. And I normally don't, but that night I did. And still do. So.
Anyways, that was a tangent.
I was 19 when I met Russell and now I'm 30. I get nostalgic this time of year and I usually bust out the old diaries and reread them. I didn't do that this year because 1) time and 2) I couldn't be bothered. I feel like I'm stepping into a chapter of my life where I can finally feel comfortable saying no to things I don't want to do. I listened to a mom podcast the other day and the lady talked about how motherhood made her more confident in her choices because now she knew what she wanted to do. After kids, you don't want to waste your time on maybes or kindas. Your time is so limited that you can only make room and space for things that really matter to you. I've hit that spot in my life. The people in my life now are people I want in my life. The things I do are the things I want to do. And for the first time, my goals are clear.
Looking through past Instagram posts brought back many cases of yesses and nos. I'm sure it'd be that way too if I read past blog posts or old diaries. Now I'm happy that I can say no to things knowing full well I won't regret it and go on about life with a sense of contentment. I now understand the passion behind my two-year old's NOs! I'm on my toddler's level. Although I am teaching him the refined art of a No thank you. Ah, we are all learning so I cannot fault him.
So I've been blogging a little bit more because I realized I like this platform more than my personal Instagram. You can catch me here, sharing pictures, maybe even sharing a vlog. You read that right. I'm picking up a camera after 10 years, and relearning the art of editing. Got to document all those cute - and not so cute - nos! from my toddlers. And the screaming cries from the baby. And blabbing from me. I hope to see you around.